I can lie to myself, but not to you...

She's the best...

and I'm nothing. Why does this have to hurt so? Why did I have to meet her? If it was ever going to happen... well, its never going to happen so don't even think about it...

shit, i'm sick of this, so sick...

I don't care anymore. Say what you want, you can't hurt me now. I don't care anymore... so why does this hurt so much?

I'm so tired, everything is an effort at the moment. I wish I was able to just let go, stop fighting, stop trying to change things. What does it matter, its only my life... I miss being in love. I just want to settle down, not have to worry about all that shit anymore...

Fear Factory, archetype, love it... The song is just finishing, and Burton is singing Open your Eyes and somehow that seems kinda appropriate at this point in time...

So here i am... tired, run-down and over it all. I wish I was able to stay on the high that I have, but after a while I always sink back down. And its normally just me thinking to much that brings me down. I think maybe I have to much free time or something, I dunno. My brain always seems to be operating at a million miles an hour, thinking retarded thoughts. I wish I could shut it off sometimes... I wish I didn't care about her too... ahh the mess you've made of me. It all used to be so simple before